Monday, 7 June 2010

unfortunate incidents

I saw someone in work on Thursday that I haven't seen in quite some time.

She doesn't work for the same organisation as me but for a related organisation. I used to speak to her quite a bit but then my role changed and then I was off sick for a long time anyway.

So she came into the building on Thursday and I went into reception to say hi. And the first thing she said to me?


And she gestured towards my stomach.

And I smiled, confused, wondering what she meant.

It turns out that my equivalent in another organisation is having a baby, and she had got mixed up and thought it was me.

And the thing I find weirdest about the whole incident is that it didn't bother me. It didn't bring a tear to my eye. I didn't run away sobbing. I smiled and said no, I'm not pregnant. And then we had a conversation about the miscarriage, and she told me how sorry she was, and that she hopes we have a baby who lives soon (she didn't quite phrase it like that, but she said it very nicely). And I said thank you, and I walked back to my desk, and I got on with my work.

And considering that the very last thing I'll want people to say when (hopefully not if, but when) I'm pregnant again is congratulations, I would really have expected that exchange to upset me. In the event, she was mortified, and I was OK.

I just didn't expect that.

I don't think that this will always be the case. I don't think that I'm suddenly healed. Or that I'm not going to cry again, especially if I'm not pregnant again this month.

But the fact that even this once I was OK?

It gives me hope.


Illanare said...

B, that's wonderful. This isn't an easy road you're on but that step with less pain? Huge.

Many hugs.

Catherine W said...

I'm glad you were OK. It's strange isn't it? Sometimes things happen that should (or perhaps more accurately, I would expect them to?) upset me but they just . . . don't. I'm OK. Not forever, as if by magic, suddenly back to my old, OK self of a couple of years ago but . . well, you know what I mean. x

B said...

Thank you Illanare. And hugs to you too.

I do know what you mean Catherine. I'm glad we understand each other.