Wednesday, 21 July 2010

i've turned really quiet at the minute. i'm frustrated. the soy hasn't made the slightest bit of difference. i'm on cd18 and still haven't ovulated. there is no realistic chance for this cycle. either i'll ovulate imminently, in which case there is no hope because the hubby is ill and se.x is out of the question, or i'll ovulate later and supposedly you have less chance of conceiving with late ovulation.

i was so, so positive and optimistic over the weekend. i really believed this was the month. we had (great) se.x and my temp jumped perfectly. but only for one day. now it's back down.

i still haven't seen my friend and her baby. hopefully soon.

i was terrified about my husband yesterday. he had a terrible stomach bug and a high fever. i had to leave him and go to work. i was rehearsing in my head on my way home what would happen when i found him dead.

i'm just glad i'm on the antidepressants. i was bad, but not properly panicking. i think i was just disasteralising to stop the worst from happening. it's not a fun way to be but i have been like this since i was a kid.

i found out there will be a couple of people about 7 months pregnant at my sister's wedding. one of those is one of my cousins. aaargh. at least i have bracing time i suppose. and i think my cousin will understand if i ask her to let me approach her when i'm ready. she was very considerate in the way she broke the news of her pregnancy. it's funny, i haven't seen her in years, but she was more considerate than some of the people supposed to be my friends were.

i think i need to take a bit of a break. from commenting at least, possibly from blogging at all.

i don't think it will last more than a couple of weeks. i suppose that when i find out i'm not pregnant again this month (yay optimism!!!!) i'll be back.

i'm thinking of you all even if i'm not commenting. i hope you're all well.


Illanare said...

I'll be thinking of you as well. And if you need a shoulder / ear (eye?) then please email me (illanare@yahoo dot co dot uk).


Angela said...

Thinking of you. Sorry it's so hard right now. It sucks, I know.

mare said...

Oh B, I am sorry this has been so difficult. Take good care of yourself, and we will be here if/when you are ready to return.

Thinking of you.

Hoping and praying for you.


biojen said...

I'm sorry, B. I really hoped this would be the right cycle for you. I'll be here whenever you feel like talking. You can always email if blogging is a little too much. Take care of yourself.

Miss Ruby said...

B take as long as you need, sometimes a break from blogging and commenting does the soul good! We all know you're still here but hey sometimes we need time for ourselves.

Re the ovulating late...I know someone who got knocked up when she ovulated on day shit, so don't lose hope and I'm PRAYING (something I NEVER do so consider yourself special ;-) ) that this month is your month and you manage to pull a surprise miracle pregnancy outta ya butt!



Catherine W said...

Oh B. I'm sorry that you are feeling down at the moment. This whole process is so frustrating and sends me crashing from hopefulness and optimism to despair with boring regularity.

I hope your husband feels better soon. xo

B said...

thank you all. hugs to you all too.

miss ruby thank you. i needed to hear there is still hope even on day 50 (!!!!!!!!!).