i walked into town this lunchtime.
i was listening to music on my earphones. not really listening to anything. not wanting to hear people's conversations.
but then i heard a voice. it seemed to be in my ear.
'5th december', it said.
and i wondered idly what was happening on that date. concert? wedding? anniversary? party?
'oh, lovely!' a second voice said.
and then i heard the first voice again.
'a christmas baby!'
it's the sudden jabs that hurt.
the ones i have no bracing time for.
and what did my brain have to tune into that tiny snippet of conversation for, anyway?
i'd walked along a good while without tuning into anyone's conversations.
why that one? why then?
and walking along northumberland street, i realised, and my heart started to drop.
the people with december due dates are telling people that they're pregnant. they're safely past their 12-week scans.
(i wish i'd been right when i thought i was safely past mine)
and it made me calculate
what my due date would be, if i got pregnant this month
(not that i believe for a second that i will)
and i subtracted three months, added seven days
and came up with two days before my birthday
9 april 2011
how is that possible?
two days after that i will turn 35.
so by the time i get to have a baby who lives, i'll almost certainly be an elderly gravida. even if you take that to be over 35, not over 30.
(not primi. this will not be my first child. i will fight anyone who tries to tell me it is)
and that due date
it wouldn't even be in the first quarter of the year
time is slip slip slipping away
i'm just exhausted.
if it's going to happen let it happen.
if it's not, i need to know sooner rather than later.
i go to see my GP tomorrow afternoon.
let's hope the waiting list isn't too long for us.........