Saturday, 10 July 2010

So. Raoul Moat is dead. He shot himself at around 1.15am. I've been talking about this a little on my other blog, but I think this post belongs here.

I was watching the blanket coverage last night on the BBC news channel, hating myself for doing so. Knowing that it was unlikely he would give himself up. Asking myself why I was watching the slow suicide of a desperate man. Unable to look away. Hoping against hope that he put his gun down and gave himself up. But knowing how unlikely it was.

And this morning, hearing that it was over and he was dead, I felt hollow.

His poor mum. His poor kids. His poor ex girlfriend. She's been betrayed in the worst possible way by her ex partner - who she presumably loved at one point. Her boyfriend has been murdered, and she's been left a single mother. And one day she will have to explain to her child what he did.

But you know what else haunts me?

The fact that witnesses to last night's stand off heard him say 'I haven't got a dad'. And 'no one cares about me'.

No one - no matter what they've done - should have to die thinking no one cares about them.

I think maybe my own grief is colouring my reaction. Maybe. But still.

I wish it hadn't come to this.

I don't really see how this could have played out any differently. But I still wish it had.

3 comments:

Cathy said...

I agree that I wish that things had ended differently. But I think we have to be very careful about drawing conclusions. We only know what the media has told us, we don't know what impact that media coverage played on his state of mind during the week. Perhaps what it does all show is the complexity of families and relationships. Life isn't always happy ever after.

H.B.Cooper said...

I've found this whole thing really difficult to fathom and it has pre-occupied me for days now. I only realised a couple of days ago that I know his brother (knew ~ haven't seen him for years now, only made the connection because of the unusual surname) and I may even have met him cos we all used to drink in the same places, although I don't remember cos we're talking 20 years ago or so. A few mutual acquaintances from when I was younger knew Raoul before he became the man who made the headlines. It appears he was a really good bloke at one point. And I just can't stop thinking about what must happen to make someone lose their way in life in such a fatal way.
It's a shame all round, and especially for the people who have got to try and piece a lfe back together after all of this.

B said...

i still feel sorry for him. but i've got some perspective back now.

'life isn't always happily ever after'

god, cathy, isn't that the truth...

that must be really weird helen. i saw his brother on the news, he looks like a decent guy. it must be so hard to realise your kid brother has done such terrible things. i hope he can come to terms with it, somehow.