i discovered something at the end of last week and it made me uncomfortable, and nervous. and i'm not sure what to do with the information.
(really, there's nothing to do with the information. i think i just need to talk about it.)
back at the end (or the beginning, i suppose. depends which direction you're looking in.), they told us that the baby measured only 13 weeks. i knew that that was that, because i was supposed to be 16+6 that day.
last week, while looking for something else that i didn't actually find, i looked at the last scan picture that they gave us from that day, the one where the baby is dead. and i noticed something. i noticed that the CRL was given (57.7), with 'GA' below.
the GA on the scan picture is 12+1.
12+1 ≠ 13.
12+1, in fact, is six whole days earlier than 13.
and if 12+1 is true? then our baby died almost a full week earlier than we thought.
if 12+1 is true? then i carried my baby for 4 weeks and 5 days after it died without any clue that something was wrong. not 3 weeks and 6 days.
(and yes. that makes a difference.)
if 12+1 is true?
then our baby lived only four days after our twelve week scan.
if our scan had happened to fall a few days later, maybe the baby would have been dead already.
and i wouldn't have started to believe.
and maybe this wouldn't have destroyed me quite so thoroughly.
not quite, anyway.
but why did they tell me one thing and let the picture say something else?
i wish i understood.