Friday, 13 August 2010

one year ago today

  • i interviewed someone in work for a job and she was really excited and happy when we offered it to her. it was her birthday that day. she was wearing a really nice coloured glass necklace that i kept thinking was beautiful while i was interviewing her.
  • work was generally busy. i sent some letters over to someone in a different office. i dug out an old email with instructions about how to move files around our organisation for a work colleague. i helped cover reception.
  • i emailed my middle sister at lunchtime, excited that i had nine stories out there. (one was published. seven weren't. one i never heard back about. any chance you're still interested, People's Friend?) she emailed back and told me she had had acupuncture that morning and that she had a headache. and that her phone was broken but that she'd get it sorted out so we could catch up that weekend.
  • i sent ten emails from home in the space of two hours. mostly writing related.
  • weirdly, i forwarded myself an email from one account to another entitled 'baby'.
  • i did not blog, and the photo i posted that day wasn't one of my own.
  • the husband and i DTD. it was only day 13 of my cycle and i thought i wouldn't ovulate for another 4-5 days but we'd read this article on the BBC about more frequent se.x being better for conception so we were starting already.

... and. somehow. our baby was conceived.


this year? i went into work late. it was raining. i typed up some minutes. i went into town at lunch. it was raining harder. i looked at printer cartridges in two shops and decided to buy them online instead, cause daymn, they're expensive.

i got a coffee from starbucks. i listened to how to destroy angels while i walked into and around and out of town. i ate hummus sandwiches for lunch.

i looked at my email and calendar archives from last year. (you didn't think my recall was that good did you?)

i told a couple of people in work that my husband used to be dress like a goth and promised to take in photos next week.

and. i told one of my friends in work that today was the anniversary of the baby's conception.

i haven't mentioned it to D. i'm not sure how he would react. i don't want to be upset if he doesn't care.

i will tell him the anniversary of finding out we were pregnant. i think he'll remember the date of the loss anyway.

it feels kind of fitting. that today is friday the 13th.

i don't really know what to do with myself tonight.


i think 13 days time - the anniversary of finding out i was pregnant - will be harder.


R. said...

I am so sorry today is so hard. ((hugs))

Illanare said...

I'm so sorry. Hugs xx

Melissa said...

I think yesterday, or maybe the 10th, I don't remember for sure, was the 2 year anniversary of when I found out I was pregnant with Caleb.

Maybe that's why I've been in such a terrible mood this week.

I am sorry, B. These reminders of time gone by suck.

Miss Ruby said...

Ugh I have anniversary dates - they suck balls.

I have too many. So many that they have blended into one and my mind chooses to blank them out. If it didn't I think I'd go insane - though thankfully [I think] it would be a short trip.

I totally get that you're not telling D. I don't tell [my] D much about anything to do with anniversary dates etc etc it hurts too much when he doesn't care.

Big hugs

mare said...

I have no good words this week... just thinking of you as usual and checking in. I am so sorry about your baby.

B said...

thank you all. i just wish this was over. but i realise it won't ever be, not really.