Friday, 13 August 2010

one year ago today

  • i interviewed someone in work for a job and she was really excited and happy when we offered it to her. it was her birthday that day. she was wearing a really nice coloured glass necklace that i kept thinking was beautiful while i was interviewing her.
  • work was generally busy. i sent some letters over to someone in a different office. i dug out an old email with instructions about how to move files around our organisation for a work colleague. i helped cover reception.
  • i emailed my middle sister at lunchtime, excited that i had nine stories out there. (one was published. seven weren't. one i never heard back about. any chance you're still interested, People's Friend?) she emailed back and told me she had had acupuncture that morning and that she had a headache. and that her phone was broken but that she'd get it sorted out so we could catch up that weekend.
  • i sent ten emails from home in the space of two hours. mostly writing related.
  • weirdly, i forwarded myself an email from one account to another entitled 'baby'.
  • i did not blog, and the photo i posted that day wasn't one of my own.
    and:
  • the husband and i DTD. it was only day 13 of my cycle and i thought i wouldn't ovulate for another 4-5 days but we'd read this article on the BBC about more frequent se.x being better for conception so we were starting already.

... and. somehow. our baby was conceived.


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this year? i went into work late. it was raining. i typed up some minutes. i went into town at lunch. it was raining harder. i looked at printer cartridges in two shops and decided to buy them online instead, cause daymn, they're expensive.

i got a coffee from starbucks. i listened to how to destroy angels while i walked into and around and out of town. i ate hummus sandwiches for lunch.

i looked at my email and calendar archives from last year. (you didn't think my recall was that good did you?)

i told a couple of people in work that my husband used to be dress like a goth and promised to take in photos next week.

and. i told one of my friends in work that today was the anniversary of the baby's conception.

i haven't mentioned it to D. i'm not sure how he would react. i don't want to be upset if he doesn't care.

i will tell him the anniversary of finding out we were pregnant. i think he'll remember the date of the loss anyway.

it feels kind of fitting. that today is friday the 13th.

i don't really know what to do with myself tonight.

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i think 13 days time - the anniversary of finding out i was pregnant - will be harder.

6 comments:

R. said...

I am so sorry today is so hard. ((hugs))

Illanare said...

I'm so sorry. Hugs xx

Melissa said...

I think yesterday, or maybe the 10th, I don't remember for sure, was the 2 year anniversary of when I found out I was pregnant with Caleb.

Maybe that's why I've been in such a terrible mood this week.

I am sorry, B. These reminders of time gone by suck.

Miss Ruby said...

Ugh I have anniversary dates - they suck balls.

I have too many. So many that they have blended into one and my mind chooses to blank them out. If it didn't I think I'd go insane - though thankfully [I think] it would be a short trip.

I totally get that you're not telling D. I don't tell [my] D much about anything to do with anniversary dates etc etc it hurts too much when he doesn't care.


Big hugs
xxx

mare said...

I have no good words this week... just thinking of you as usual and checking in. I am so sorry about your baby.

B said...

thank you all. i just wish this was over. but i realise it won't ever be, not really.