Thursday, 16 September 2010

i've been seeing a lot of rainbows recently.

this one i saw after leaving work yesterday evening.















and i'd love to believe that it meant something. that all these rainbows mean that my own living baby is on its way.

but the only omens i believe are the bad ones.

the ones that tell me it'll never happen.

i have no faith in good omens. not at all.

like car says, they're just an illusion.

---

i've been back and forth. hen parties, weddings. to the gym, to work, with family, to the supermarket, back home.

it doesn't leave me much time for the internet.

i have well over a hundred posts unread in google reader. well, down to just under 100 now, but it was 162 or something earlier tonight.

i try and support people. try and let them know that i'm reading. that i care. i find it very hard to mark read and move on without commenting.

but right now, i have to. i can't comment on everything. i'm going to make myself ill.

i'm having to delete email i'd rather read (not personal ones but things i'm interested in). and i'm going to have to throw things away. my house is a tip. i can't manage to unpack from one trip before i go on another. thankfully there is only one more night away coming up soon and then i'm home for the next six weeks or so.

i feel really bad about all this. but i have to look after myself. don't i?

12 comments:

R. said...

yes you do! don't worry about not commenting, we are all here to support you.

Miss Ruby said...

Yup you sure do have to look after yourself!!!

You come first, never forget that, no matter what else is going on in the world, no matter who it's happening to - you and your needs and your mental and physical health is the MOST important.

Look after yourself my friend...

xx

car said...

Yes, take care of yourself. All those blog entries will be there in a week (or more if that's what you need.)

Catherine W said...

Yes, you certainly do! I'm a terrible one for not being able to leave without commenting and I read WAY too many blogs. But I love them all and I can't give any of them up. The only time I get to read is time when I should be asleep or doing the housework! The latter right now if you're interested!

Sometimes you just have to leave it all be for a while. Just hit the mark all as read in google reader and shut it down. I've done that myself, much as it pains me.

And the internet is just. . . . well the internet. It isn't real life.

Don't feel bad.

As for signs, I can't help but think that are what they are. A rainbow is just a rainbow. But it is still beautiful. xo

Jorgelina said...

I've been pretty quiet on my comments of late. Just wanted to send some hugs your way. ♥

mare said...

Try not to be hard yourself, because, yes, you do have to look after yourself.

Sending good thoughts and hugs.

Illanare said...

Yes you do. And we are all here for you, too, whenever you need us.

Hugs x

Jenn said...

Do what you need to do, B. Taking care of yourself is so important. ((hugs))

.daily.amos. said...

I would wager a hefty sum that all any us in this community of babyloss want is to see each other doing just exactly what you are doing; looking after youself.

-Brianna

B said...

thank you all for understanding. it helps.
x

Ginger Doll said...

You always leave me a positive comment or two, and I'm a hopeless responder, but in keeping with your other responders, yes - do take care of yourself.

I noticed the rainbows too. One ended roughly at my house, and whilst my loss was a 77 year old man, it made me smile and think of him. I think they're just beautiful gifts, given in moments of grey - no more, no less.

take care B.

Melanie said...

Blogging certainly should be more of a joy than one more thing on the "to do" list. Thanks for the comments you have made on my blog and I will keep reading yours