Tuesday, 7 September 2010


i've been particularly tired this last couple of weeks. i've been late to bed, but not that late. and i've been wondering why. i even took it to be a possible sign of pregnancy at the end of last week.

it just occurred to me earlier tonight that actually-maybe-possibly it's because the depression and the anxiety have been a little worse again recently. and they are things that can make a person tired. especially on top of having had a cold and having joined the gym and done a bit more exercise... not much, because of the cold and because i was away last weekend. but a little.

i feel a little silly that i didn't realise earlier. still, at least i can go to bed a bit earlier now i know, eh?


last year i registered to do a photography course with the open university. it started in october. i was pregnant and tired and a little nauseous. i didn't really do any work. in the end i withdrew. the next course was may, starting on my due date. obviously i couldn't register for that one!

except, i didn't have the baby. but i still couldn't have managed any work.

now the next course date is rapidly approaching. it starts 1 oct.

i'm thinking i might register.


i'm scared i'll get pregnant and miscarry and be too busy grieving to remember to withdraw and will lose my £190.

i'm scared i'll get pregnant and not miscarry and not have any grounds to withdraw but be too terrified to actually do any of the course.

i'm scared i won't be pregnant and will be a basket case of whining and crying and not manage to do any of the course.

i'm scared that ttc or pregnancy will mean that i don't learn as much as i should from the course - i know loads of people who've done it and all have loved it, and i don't want to waste the time.


i'm also scared that the holy grail* of ttc will take over my life and leave nothing remaining. and that wouldn't be good.

so maybe i'm going to try.

i have til 24th september to decide whether i'm going to register. please don't let me forget...?

* i started to type 'wholy grail' at first. that would be the all-consuming obsession version, i guess.


Illanare said...


And - I'll remind you :-)

Miss Ruby said...

Register and go and do that bloody course.


There comes a point where you just have to start living and take whatever happens into your stride and accommodate it.

If you get pregnant, you'll work some way out to accommodate both it and the course together.

If you're not pregnant, you can still whine and cry, just do it when you're NOT at the course.

Do the course!


p.s. I'll remind Illanare to remind you!

R. said...

If it were me...I would do it. I have signed myself up to be extremely busy for the next few months to help pass the time.

Flowerpot said...

Definitely do the course. Take care and go for it.

Miss Ruby said...

You're featured honey!



Melanie said...

I concur. Do the course. No more waiting to see how things line up. You may find you feel better in that you took action in your life despite not knowing what lies around the corner. Those mind games can go on ad infinitum.