i went to the loo before. there was blood.
brown blood. old. not much. but blood.
blood is not good.
i called D. work and mobile. couldn't get through. i called my midwife. her phone was switched off.
i got someone to give me a lift home from work. i didn't know what to do. the only number that looked potentially useful in my maternity notes was the number for the maternity assessment unit. i called. they told me that as i hadn't had a dating scan yet that they couldn't do anything for me and that i would have to go to A&E.
A&E is at the General. the Early Pregn.ancy Asses.sment Cl.inic (EP.AC) is at the RVI. i already didn't like this.
i got hold of D. told him to see me at the General. phoned a taxi.
we basically waited at the General for over an hour and a half for someone to a) take my blood pressure and b) make me an appointment at the EP.AC. what a fuc.king waste of time. they showed no interest in the fact that although i don't have pain in my abdomen i do feel like i feel when i get my period, or the even more tellling fact that my pregnancy symptoms are easing up - the nurse actually said 'well that's good!'. NO IT'S FUC.KING NOT.
no. it's fuc.king not.
they didn't even check my cervix. i'd think that was something important.
and this is the best bit. the appointment at the EP.AC isn't until tuesday.
i don't feel sick any more, not really. i'm not tired. i've had some blood. i feel like i do when i'm getting my period.
i can't help thinking that it's all over but the bleeding.
i really believed in this pregnancy.
please don't say there's still hope. i know that technically there is. but... just please. don't say it.
edited to add - D pointed out ages ago that the blood was probably from the scan on tuesday. it's not the blood that's freaking me out. it's the sensations that are similar to when i have a period. it's the fact that the nausea is gone and the tiredness is all but gone. i know i started with it, but that's really not the main part of this.