doing a bit better this evening. still finding it hard to believe there is hope. but not entirely impossible.
it's just... my bump isn't growing. i'm not sure whether it's staying the same or shrinking. and yes, i over-analyse. constantly. i've been crazily hungry all the way through - and suddenly, i'm not. i'm normal-hungry. still not feeling anything that i'm certain is movement. it's now over 6 weeks, maybe even 7, that i've been feeling maybe-movement, and i'm no more or less certain than i was back in december. the last week or so, i've not been feeling round ligament pain either. then today pains that are more similar to period pains than anything.
any one of these things i could rationalise away, but the combination of all of them scares me, so badly.
anyway, thank you so much for all the support. it's amazing how many people read and who take the time to let me know they're thinking of me.
i kinda hoped that my own midwife would get back to me today but they must've wiped the message i left for her. maybe i'll try and speak to her tomorrow.
but i don't want to go to the hospital before thursday. i guess... i've waited this long, i want to hold out til the bitter end. thursday, for better or for worse, i will know what's going on in there.
it's just so hard.
i want my baby to be ok.
i just want to be able to believe.