Wednesday, 9 February 2011

i went to see the midwife today.

i made the appointment a couple of weeks ago, when i was freaking out. it was the first appointment she had.

i haven't freaked out since my scan last week. almost a week ago now. that's pretty impressive for me, really. but i went along to the appointment anyway. i had a few questions (i always have questions. i bet you can believe that, can't you?).

(incidentally, the cbt is going well. at my last appointment my therapist reckoned i made a bit of a breakthrough. i thought he was overstating his case a bit at the time, but i've been less worried this last week. it's possible that he was right. dammit. i hate when people are right. if you're interested don't forget to email me and ask for an invite to my private blog.)

---

last night, i thought to myself that maybe i would be brave enough to let her listen for the heartbeat. i wasn't sure. D wasn't going to be there, for a start. and although the scan was only a week ago... well, a week is a very long time. and although i'm 21 weeks now, i've still not been certain about whether i'm feeling movement or not. it's been about 7 weeks since i first felt something that could be movement, but i'm no more or less certain that that's really what i'm feeling than i was back then. i did find out at my scan last week that my placenta is anterior (attached at the front), which probably explains that and is good to know - but it's still all a bit nerve wracking.

so, anyway. i went in. i asked my questions. then i did it. i asked if she could listen for the baby's heartbeat. i hopped up on the bed - so glad that i was in a different room than last time; i don't know if i'd have been able to do it if we were in the same place.

and i did it. i let her listen.

it was hard to pick up; the sounds of the placenta, with it being at the front, were much louder than the sound of the heartbeat. (which makes me doubly glad that we've never tried with a doppler ourselves; i would have freaked if we were unable to pick it up, and if even my midwife found it tricky past 20 weeks i doubt we would have managed it ourselves.)

but i heard it. the beating of his heart.

it was amazing.

5 comments:

Kelly said...

So glad you were able to hear that beautiful heartbeat!

Hope's Mama said...

xo

Merry said...

I am so glad you did it. I've been biting my tongue and not begging you to get to the point where you could. Because you will, I think, need to be able to listen to that when you get as far as labour, and not being at the freak out point by then will be a good thing.

I know you hate the idea of a home doppler and I'm not saying one thing or another but laying demons to rest and taking control of them well before labour is a good thing.

Anonymous said...

I am very glad B that you could hear your babys heart beat,a new step on this way.
By the way, I am reading a book that I think maybe can interest you although if you want to do the exercises they propose ,you should talk about this with your therapist first. It is call "The mindful Way through depression". by Mark Williams, John Teasdale, Zinder Segal and Jon Kabat-Zinn. 3 of them psychologists specialists on cognitive therapy and the last one creator of this method mindfulness. Greetings, Claudia.

car said...

Glad that things went well at your appointment and that you got to hear your little boy's heartbeat.