Monday, 28 February 2011

my line manager said to me today 'do you think your hormones could have anything to do with it?'.

and i had one of those light bulb moments.

i had completely forgotten that even in a normal pregnancy, women have mood swings and get upset and scared and panicky and worried.

and when you factor that into the equation - i suppose i'm really not doing all that badly, am i?

---

i haven't replied to email from anyone - except an odd one from my mum and someone i hadn't emailed in months - for over two weeks. i keep getting emails and meaning to reply but being completely incapable of sitting down and actually doing it. i don't know why, and it's driving me mad. i'm usually bad at email but not this bad.

comments, too. i appreciate them all, but i'm not replying - and barely commenting on other blogs too. i'm sorry. i really am.

i hope to catch up after i've been away.

i'm really sorry.

---

i made lemon cake tonight. i'm going to take it to work tomorrow and try not to eat the entire lot myself.

scratch that. i'm going to go to bed now and try not to eat the entire bloody thing right now. that will also be pretty difficult.

5 comments:

Illanare said...

(o)

biojen said...

Ok, I feel the need to be bossy and pushy. RELAX. You are pregnant, you are also still mourning. Give yourself a break - no one expects you to be superwoman. I know if you are posting here that you are doing okay so that is enough for me. If you don't get time to comment or respond to emails - it's okay. I remember how exhausted I was during my "normal" pregnancy so believe me, I really understand the need to step back and take some time for yourself.

I hope that didn't come across too mean - I get kind of aggressive when I see my friends worrying themselves for no good reason.

Take care of yourself - the rest will come when you are ready.

Lots of love to you and the little guy, I'm thinking of you.

B said...

Oh Jen you made me laugh :) Thank you for that, you're entirely allowed to be bossy when you're telling me to stop worrying about email :)

Big Love, Big Acceptance - or so I say said...

Enjoy the lemon cake - all to yourself! No guilt. :)

I am grateful/suprised sometimes when I remember that pregnancy isn't easy, even in the best of circumstances. Although I know I'm still hard myself and wonder when it's "just pregnancy" and when it's grief. But it's not like it would really matter one way or the other if I "knew" which one it was. Hard moments & days are just hard.

Hugs to you!

Miss Ruby said...

[o]

purely because i would be just repeating myself otherwise ;-)

~x~