i posted something on facebook.
one of my cousins read it as an attack on her and how she parents her son.
i didn't dream in a million years she could have read it like that, and i never would have posted it if i'd realised.
it was probably a stupid thing to do anyway.
she responded angrily and when i read her response i could understand why. and i'm glad she responded rather than just being angry with me and hiding it.
she said something like 'you try breas.tfeeding while looking after two kids after two and trying to feed them healthily'.
and oh god, it hurt.
i wish my life had worked out like that.
i wish i could confidently believe that this baby will be ok.
i wish i knew for a fact that i'll be able to breas.tfeed like i hope to, like i plan to.
and that my husband will agree to us trying again.
and that that baby will be ok too.
i wish i believed that i could ever know what that feels like.
i apologised to my cousin. deleted the offending post. i hope she understands that i wasn't criticising her, even though she read it that way. and i hope noone else who saw it thought i was criticising her.
i hate that i hurt her.
i was so jealous when she was pregnant that i had to hide her on facebook.
she's always been lovely to me.
i don't know how to end this. i just guess i wish i hadn't made that stupid post.
i don't think anyone would, but just to be clear: please don't criticise my cousin. she's not the one in the wrong.
and don't tell me i'm not in the wrong. i did something stupid and hurt someone who's doing a brilliant job and i wish i hadn't been so stupid.