Thursday, 3 March 2011

i posted something on facebook.
one of my cousins read it as an attack on her and how she parents her son.
i didn't dream in a million years she could have read it like that, and i never would have posted it if i'd realised.
it was probably a stupid thing to do anyway.
she responded angrily and when i read her response i could understand why. and i'm glad she responded rather than just being angry with me and hiding it.
but.

but.

she said something like 'you try breas.tfeeding while looking after two kids after two and trying to feed them healthily'.

and oh god, it hurt.

i wish my life had worked out like that.

i wish i could confidently believe that this baby will be ok.

i wish i knew for a fact that i'll be able to breas.tfeed like i hope to, like i plan to.

and that my husband will agree to us trying again.

and that that baby will be ok too.

i wish i believed that i could ever know what that feels like.

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i apologised to my cousin. deleted the offending post. i hope she understands that i wasn't criticising her, even though she read it that way. and i hope noone else who saw it thought i was criticising her.

i hate that i hurt her.

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i was so jealous when she was pregnant that i had to hide her on facebook.

she's always been lovely to me.

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i don't know how to end this. i just guess i wish i hadn't made that stupid post.

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i don't think anyone would, but just to be clear: please don't criticise my cousin. she's not the one in the wrong.

and don't tell me i'm not in the wrong. i did something stupid and hurt someone who's doing a brilliant job and i wish i hadn't been so stupid.

5 comments:

MotherofReinvention said...

Hi,

No judgements here, just wanted to say that I saw your fb post & to me it was just a bit of funny banter. Please don't fel like you've done something tupid, it was just a joke that someone else judged differently.
It posibly wasn't even your post that was the problem, maybe someone else had said something or implied something more harshly earlier in the day and your light-hearted comment came across differently in the light of that. I know I sometimes jump at someone (usually my poorhusband!) when really it's another person (or myself, or circumstances in general, or hormones, or sleep deprivation ~ the list goes on!) that has got me riled.
Anyway, as I said, no judgement, just wanted to say dont beat yourself up. Itwas an innocent mistake xxxxx

Jorgelina said...

I agree with MotherofReinvention, but at the same time...well...I don't want to sound rude or for you to think I'm being harsh...but how come she's expecting you to be all understanding and not make a light-hearted comment and then she's tactless with her own comment? It's unfair for us who always try to make other people feel good because many people never register their tone, their words or how it may come across, specially in this case given the subject...*shrugs* just saying. I get the "how dare you!" or the "Can't you see how hard it is for me!" (specially from my own sisters) and then they dare making me feel worse with stuff they do or say everytime and getting away with it. I'm sorry if it comes out...wrong. I guess I'm feeling "venty" today *blushes* lol

Hope's Mama said...

Just want to say, that I can totally see how her reply upset you as well, and no matter what went on before it, you have a right to be upset about that. Words can just be clumsy though on FB, so I guess no one is really in the wrong here as neither of you set out to hurt one another.
Sending love. This is one of the main reasons I stayed off FB until Angus arrived. I just couldn't do it.
ps: feel free to look me up!
xo

Anonymous said...

Beth

None of us are perfect and if we were it would be boring. Life has its ups and downs, but we go on.

Just keep loving her and her family, yourself, the new one on its journey and D.

Time passes and it does heal.

Sue said...
This comment has been removed by the author.