Sunday, 13 March 2011

i'm still not here (although apparently i am commenting on other people's blogs still; i'm quite surprised) but these thoughts have been going through my head for a few days and i think i just need to splurge them.

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i'm not going to be able to drive for much longer. the pedals in our car are quite far forward and my legs are relatively short. the steering wheel won't raise any higher, and i'm already starting to think my bump is unnervingly close to it. this is quite frustrating. i don't need to drive for work or anything, but... it's frustrating and quite limiting to think i'll have months when i can't.

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i want a necklace for the new baby. i have one for my snowflake, but it seems kind of disloyal to the baby to only have one for his sibling. but i've no idea what kind of thing i want, and i'm not sure whether i really want to buy one before he's born. will have to keep thinking about this one, i guess.

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i've been reading birthing books - i mentioned that here. i ended up writing a review for one of them on amazon here, at least partly because it disturbs me how against antenatal testing the author is and how little time she gives to her arguments against it. she doesn't even attempt to state the case for testing, just emphasises that they are not compulsory, and... i don't know. it just really freaks me out. i can't imagine it will do any good and that a future edition would change on the strength of one amazon review, but you never know, do you?

at least maybe they'll include contact details for Sands next time.

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i talked to my mum about the situation with my cousin. i wasn't sure how she'd react but she was very understanding.

she saw my cousin's brother a couple of days later. and she talked to him about it. i was mortified, but apparently he didn't even let her get very far into the story before he stopped her and said to tell me not to upset myself about it, that she gets very upset and lashes out quite regularly and that i shouldn't take it personally.

i don't think she told him the bit where what she had said had quite upset me, but his response made me feel much better.

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and a funny one to finish.

D anthropomorphosises just.about.everything. he's good at it, and he mostly makes me laugh. but last week in the supermarket he picked up a box of mini Cornish pasties, and he said 'they're so small, and they're out without their mum!'

and i cried.

right there in a.s.d.a.

for the sake of the poor lonely Cornish pasties.

i think i need to get a grip :)

3 comments:

Miss Ruby said...

great to read a post from you!!

i understand the frustration about driving, i'd be lost if i couldn't drive but then our distances over here [and lack of decent public transport] make it harder to get around without a car.

and hey cornish pasties deserve people's tears too ;-)

~x~

Brooke said...

I don't even know what Cornish pasties are, but they sound adorable and understandably tear-inducing. Also your D sounds cute.

I stumbled across these articles when looking and thought of you. Please ignore if they would not be helpful, but I personally am drawn to academic writing about grief--I think out of a desire both to understand it and have it recognized by a professional community.

These are specifically about pregnancy after a loss and I just thought that they might resonate with you and help you realize that your extreme emotional responses aren't crazy at all, but what any of us should expect if we get pregnant again.

http://www.nationalshare.org/grief-articles.html

Catherine W said...

Aw your D's comment about the Cornish pasties would probably have made me cry too!

Glad you kind of sorted out the situation with your cousin. Please don't feel bad about it, it's so easy to accidentally upset someone without the slightest bad intention :(

Perhaps you could look into hiring a different car for a few weeks? My Fiesta seems ok to drive still, perhaps a different make would accommodate your bump a bit more easily?

Good for you for reading birthing books and for leaving reviews, I still haven't managed to read anything related to birth. I DID find the magazine from the Bounty pack that made me so angry I threw it across the room though! Do you remember? The offending tag line was 'first time lucky.' Ickity ick.