lose the fear?
J isn't 100% at the minute. He always has reflux but the last two days he's been sick once; today he's been sick twice.
He seems OK in himself. His temperature is fine and he's alert and happy in himself and my instinct is that he's fine.
.... But there's that fear. That *before* my instinct said that everything was OK, too - even sitting in the scan room after two midwives had been unable to find a heartbeat, ffs; what the hell was I thinking? - but my baby was dead. Do I trust the evidence of my eyes and the baby who's still smiling at us? Who's just pee'd and poo'd so obviously isn't dehydrated? Who's still 'talking' to my husband on the changing mat?
I honestly don't think there is any purpose to calling the out of hours GP service at the minute. It feels like it'd be a waste of my time and might stop someone who actually needs help getting quickly. But... not doing so is scary. What if there really is something wrong and I'm just not spotting it?
Parenting after loss was always going to be tricky.