Tuesday, 20 March 2012

a change of direction

I've been planning this blog post in my mind for a while. Then I read Angela's most recent blog post and decide it's spring and obviously the time for change.

I've been rather blocked with regards to this place, recently. As you may have noticed (... or maybe not), I haven't posted since November.

And it's not for lack of drafting blog posts in my brain. It's just that they never seem to make it out of my brain. Somewhere between my head and the keyboard, something goes wrong.

I think the problem is that I got caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. I don't feel like I belong either in the world of the babylost or outside of it. My tagline is currently 'adjacent to the land of the babylost', and honestly? That's how I feel. Like since I had J and he is here, alive and well, I don't belong in the world of glow any more. But neither do I belong to the world of mummy bloggers. (I've never read the genre of mummy bloggers. Just not interested in the genre, although I do read some blogs of people who are mummys.)

So what to do?

I think I need to draw a line in the figurative sand.

I'm going to blog about being a mummy. I'm going to blog about J and about motherhood. I will occasionally blog about how scary pregnant ladies are, and even sometimes about how I miss my snowflake, and how strange it is that some of the baby mums I'm now friends with I might have been friends with in another universe if our lost babies had lived (it's seriously weird).

I suspect that I'm going to lose some readers. I'm sorry about that. I'm going to blog about how being a mum is sometimes extremely hard. And I know how much I wanted to do physical violence to people who moaned about how hard being a mum was before, but it is hard - even though I wouldn't change J for the world - and sometimes I need to write about that. But I guess I need to warn those who are reading that they might want to stop :/

So, yeah. I'm still anxious, but less anxious. I'm still stressed, but simultaneously more and less so than before. I'm still me, but I'm different.

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Oh, and I might move my babylost posts from my watching geordie life blog to this one. Has anyone done that, moved half their blog posts from one blog to another while leaving the rest as they are? Is it really hard?